Hello All,
(Just a general disclaimer that I must insert here at the beginning. I am but a lay person, like most of you. And these weekly “thoughts” are but my own. Not the definitive word on this or any topic. Just my own conclusions derived from my own study and faith in God. The greatest hope I have for these weekly “thoughts” is to have them be a springboard for further study on your part. Not to be a weekly treatise to be blindly accepted. So, please read them with this intent, this motive in mind).
This week’s lesson from “The Adult Sabbath School Guide” is titled “Season of Parenting”. A good lesson on the various “seasons” of parenting, even for those who have never had children of their own. God has so designed humanity that we all learn from those who have gone before. Each person has the ability to influence the younger for good… or ill. In this way, each of us are “parents” whether we realize it or not.
God knows that it is difficult to relate to an unseen, invisible God. It is true that He has given each of us the Holy Spirit… His personal presence to love and guide us. But we also have a perverse nature. A perverse and selfish will. And so the voice of God, that still small voice of reason, conviction, courage and love, can be drowned-out. Diluted. Perverted and purposely misunderstood. So the influence of our Godly elders, those who are older than us and walk in faith, is most important. It might even be the primary way in which we see God. In the lives of those who trust Him. No wonder Jesus told those who trust Him that “you are the light of the world” (Matthew 5:14).
Parents are not just those who conceive and birth a child. Parents are those who raise and nurture. Therefore, each one of us are parenting those within our sphere of influence. We might even be parenting those older in years than us. Older in years, but much younger in terms of maturity. Because maturity comes not with an increase in years but in an increase of experience. An increase of learning from our life’s experiences. Let me explain.
I was adopted and raised by wonderful, mature, courageous, Christian parents. I thank God for placing me in the hands of Doris and Ernest when I was just a few days old! How wonderfully fortunate! But others are not so fortunate. Take my late wife’s parents, for example. Smart. Ivy League college educated. But living a life where alcohol was the means of coping. And so when I first met Ruth in high school, the day came when I met her parents, too. I was bewildered, shocked, dismayed at their adolescent behavior. Smart? Yes. But so very immature in the way they related to life and each other.
When I went back home after that first encounter, I related to my father and mother some of the things Ruth’s parents said and did. This gave my Dad the opportunity to explain what maturity really is and what alcohol really does to you. Here is my dad’s soliloquy… paraphrased as I remember it:
“Jim”, he said. “Maturity is not a matter of years, but the experience of dealing with life over those years. Maturity comes from grappling with life… with all the small and big issues of life as they come to you. When you use alcohol to cope or escape life’s issues… well… here’s what happens…
You get-up in the morning and life comes at you. From the moment you open your eyes, life starts-in. The issues, the questions, the decisions come at you. Some of these issues are tough. Hard. What to do? But if you know that there is a moment in-time, a time of the day today, when you can escape the issues of the day and the troublesome decisions that need to be made, by drinking… then you never really grapple with the problems and issues. You placate the issues. You dodge them somewhat. You never really think-through the issues, or come to grips fully with them. You escape into the bottle.”
“Then the next morning, you get-up and life starts-in again. The issues come again. Most of the issues of yesterday (that you didn’t grapple-with) are forgotten. The life’s lessons you were supposed to learn from yesterday’s issues were missed. And another day’s lessons are ahead. Lessons that once again you will not really grapple-with. You will escape into the bottle again and another day’s lessons are missed again. And so on… and so on. Until one day you wake-up as a 40 year-old, but with the maturity of an 18 year-old. Because 22 years of lessons have been missed. And that is what’s happening to Ruth’s parents. ‘Suspended adolescence’ it’s called.”
That concise explanation describes what most of us know too well. But I hope it does not describe any of us today, this day. I hope we’ve been rescued by our God and are living a life fully aware, fully open to His wise leading. If so, then the need for parenting is all around us. People everywhere need… “Light”. And God has called us who know and trust Him, to be “Light”. And to be guided by His Holy Spirit to know how best to love and be that “light”.
The Bible word for “perfect” is also the word for “mature”. “Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). This text is really calling us to be “mature”. To learn every lesson that comes our way in life. To be open to God’s leading in all things and to grapple with every issue in the presence of Him who is “light”. Thereby learning how to be “light” as He is “light”. God has called us to the hard school of “love”. To learn the lessons of “love”. To grapple with issues that call-out for our dedicated love. And the only way we can learn, is to walk with Him who alone can demonstrate each lesson. “This is how you love”, God says and shows. And if we are listening and observing, then we are on the continuum of “maturity” or “perfection”. Our feet are placed, as it were, on the path of perfection. And God sees our commitment and desire as “perfect”. A long way to go to be sure. But “perfect” at this stage, and every stage, nonetheless.
Let us strive to be the mature parent in the room, wherever we are. God is calling us to be “light’. Let us not let Him down.
With brotherly love,
Jim